The Boxer

Traits that defy the definition of myself, I find, are the most intriguing to witness in action.

I am trying to understand why boxers are so appealing to me. For something to shake me, to claim such a strong presence in my mind, it must transcend well beyond mental and physical appeal. In other words, my interest no longer remains admirative (distanced, well past the boundary of my own identity), it becomes emulative. Perhaps this where I conflate love and envy, confusing attraction in place of my own desire for a new strength, a supplemental form of growth. The result: I do not know whether I'm in love or want to love myself more compassionately. But this is another story altogether.

The boxer. The slick, lean muscles, taut and steel cut. Glistening skin. The lack of urgency, the fluidity in movement. A marriage of impulse and restraint, the manipulation of this balance. The artful coolness to the boxer, a fashionable nonchalance that (s)he directs towards the hyper-emotional crowd. Such ease in maintaining a barrier to the outside world fascinates me. All these traits and more thrill me, for I wish to possess such skills--skills I could never cultivate.

Traits that defy the definition of myself, I find, are the most intriguing to witness in action.

But not only this; the boxer domesticates the body with a cool, defiant rage. The body becomes a tool under his instruction, not so much a mechanical entity than a feral creature that has learned to trust. This is a beautiful act of subjugation because that which is being subjected (the body) does not relinquish its power under new ownership; it does not become limp, lifeless under the weight of docility. Instead, it is a weapon that speaks softly under leadership, only to lash and brilliantly shatter what is not its own flesh.

A regime that is overseen by a straightforward mind races miles ahead of the common man--as someone whose sense of identity has emerged from (unintentionally) crushing the shoulders of those who I stand on, a merciless determination is not only desirable, but crucial for self-maintenance.